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No East Answers to Parenting
July 02, 2018
Parenting books are popular because parents are always looking for help. This was not always the case. The only parenting book in my childhood home was Dr. Benjamin Spock's “Baby and Child Care,” and I think it was mostly used as a tool of discipline to swat my rear end.
As far as I can tell, my parents never suffered anxiety wondering whether they were effective parents. They were parents. That's what they did. They loved us. They disciplined us. They taught us what we needed to know. It seemed, at least in retrospect, simple and straight forward.
But today's bookshelves are crammed with how-to-parent books. At one end are books like Leonard Sax's “The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Children When We Treat Them Like Adults” that advocates parents should assert their authority. At the other end of the bookshelf is Katherine Lewis' “The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever And What to Do About It,” which champions collaborative parenting.
The “Good News” book recently was reviewed by CNN correspondent Elissa Strauss who is, herself, a parent seeking advice. Strauss found the “Good News” book refreshing in its call for a less authoritarian, more collaborative approach to parental discipline.
Strauss concludes:
The key to getting today's children to behave is forgoing the fear-based methods of yesteryear and helping them learn how to self-regulate instead. Lewis' book wisely refrains from prescribing one particular method, and instead looks at a number of approaches to helping children learn self-control and how they play out in different scenarios. The one constant is finding a way to present them with consequences instead of punishment: the more natural the better.
Strauss went on to write that, at the book's suggestion, she “negotiated a consequence contract” with her 6-year-old son. They talked about what a proper consequence should be when the boy was too rough in his playing with his brother. Strauss had tried reprimanding and disciplining him without effect. So together, parent and child agreed that when the boy breaks the rules about roughhousing, he gets a “time out” in his room. Strauss declared the contract effective and this collaborative approach was better than the old “command and control” parenting.
While I do believe in allowing natural consequences to flow from child misbehavior, I would not advocate negotiating a behavior contract with a 6-year-old. I think parents need more of the Leonard Sax approach than the Katherine Lewis method. In “The Collapse of Parenting,” Sax urges parents to reassert their authority by limiting screen time, encouraging better habits at meal time and bed time, and imposing discipline when necessary.
For those parents looking for easy answers, stop looking. There aren't any. But if you'll be an intentional, engaged, loving parent who does not shy from exercising your proper authority, you'll greatly increase the chances of raising a respectful child and a responsible human being.
By Jim Priest
10 Things to Do When your Daughter Goes to College
May 31, 2018
Sending our Children off to College is one of the toughest goodbyes we know. This year is no different as we send Megan off to Florida State University.
All of the unknowns and decisions she will have to make without us physically there can be stressful.
Are you sending a child off to college this year? If so, All Pro Dad provides some great tips on things to do
If you take the time to discuss, set expectations, and agree to some guidelines, you can handle it handle it like a pro.
How to Raise a Child in a Christian Home
May 31, 2018
It is such a blessing to have the opportunity to raise children. This is true of both believers in Christ and people that do not have a relationship with God. But if you are a person of faith, it is so important to pass on a spiritual heritage that your kids can pass on to their kids. The 10 tips that I picked for this article are certainly not a complete list but were things that I believe are essential to raising your kids in a Christian way. They are not necessarily in order of importance but consider the following
7 Traits of Effective Parenting
May 31, 2018
Good Parents Aren’t Perfect
Good parents aren’t perfect. And that’s okay. There’s no formula to follow, but there are ways you can grow every day. Focus on the Family’s 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment gives parents an honest look at their unique strengths, plus some areas that could use a little help.
Parenting is Nonstop
There’s no such thing as “waiting for the perfect moment” when you’re a parent, which is why it’s both rewarding and scary to be a mom or dad. Some days are harder than others, that’s for sure. Just when you seem to have it together—you don’t. Well, guess what? Good parents aren’t perfect. Focus on the Family’s 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment gives parents an honest look at their strengths, plus some areas that could use a little help. The assessment focuses on 7 traits found within effective parent-child relationships. When you take the assessment, you will:
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Learn the 7 traits of effective parenting, biblically-based and backed by research
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Discover your parenting strengths, and areas for growth
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Identify the skills you need to raise healthy, mature and responsible children